My salary

Yesterday I was talking to my doctor & after knowing my occupation he advised…

“You must exercise more. Stop cola drinks. Stay away from whisky and wine. Drink more plain water. Don’t drive when going out, use public transport or walk. Don’t eat out.. Eat less meat especially seafood. Keep to vegetarian diet…”

I nodded seriously & asked…

“May I know…
What’s wrong with me…??”

He answered…

” *Your salary is too low…!!* ”

😝😂😄

HAPPY ADULT’S DAY

q5
When I Was a KID ~

PUSSY Meant a CAT

SEX Meant GENDER

BITCH Was a FEMALE DOG

DICK Was a NAME of a cartoon film,

BANG Was a SOUND

NUTS were fruits

RUBBER Was Nothing But an ERASER

ASS Was An ANIMAL

COCK was a male bird

SCREW was Just a Fixing TOOL

HEAD Meant a Part of BODY

BALLS meant a Round TOY

LUBRICANT was oil

ORAL meant poetry recitation

& then….

I met you all, my friends,….

And my education got messed up..!!!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

HAPPY ADULT’S DAY

Ravan

Since it is Dushera, some Raavan jokes will be in order.

Ever wondered what kind of a life Raavan lived?
👺👺👺👺👺👺👺👺👺👺

-He had to buy a toothpaste every week.😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

-Raavan never got Head Ache, he got Head Anek.
💆💆💆💆💆💆💆💆💆💆

-Raavan wore a T-shirt by first putting his leg into it and then pulling it up. 👕

-Raavan got group discounts for Haircuts.
💇💇💇💇💇💇💇💇💇💇

-Raavan was the most talkative boy in the class.
🙉 🙉 🙉 🙉 🙉

-Raavan as a school kid never needed to tilt his head to cheat from his neighbour during exams.
😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎😎

-Raavan was not allowed inside bars during Happy Hours.
🍺🍔🍻🍟🍺

-Raavan always had to use a panoramic photo for taking a selfie

📷📷📷📷📷📷📷📷📷📷

-Raavan was the only member of a b-school group discussion.
🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇🙇

-He was a choir group all by himself.
🎤 🎼 🎧 🎵🎶🎤

and lastly..

-Whenever Raavan caught a viral cold, it was considered an epidemic.
👃💦💦👃💦💦👃💦💦👃💦💦👃💦💦👃💦💦👃💦💦👃💦💦👃💦💦👃💦💦

You must be an engineer

A man in hot air balloon realized he is lost…

He reduced altitude & shouted to a man below: Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am.

Man below replied: You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude.

Man1: You must be an engineer.

Man2: How do you know?

Man1: Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I’m still lost.

Engineer: You must be in Top Management.

Man1: Ya. How do you know?

Engineer: You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems..!!
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

IT Guys

Typical Conf. Calls In IT Corporates:
Caller1: Hi, this is Dheeraj from Wintel Team.
* Silence * waiting for others to Join*
Caller2: Hi, this is Ajay from Backup & Storage Team.
* Silence * both waiting for others to Join*
Caller3: Hi, its Shyam from Unix Team
* Silence * All waiting for others to Join*
Caller4: Hello, Kuldeep from Management.
* Silence * All waiting for others to Join*
Caller5: Hi, this is Preeti from Application Team.
All:
Hi Preeti,
Hi Preeti
Hello Preeti
Hi Preeti

😜😜😃😃😂😂😜

Whenever I feel depressed in life.

MazeKro_Deepika-black2

I open my G-Mail inbox…I find:

1) 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

2) I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

3) 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

4) 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

5) Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.

6) 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.

And Approx 40-50 mails from Riya, Payal, and Neha who are feeling lonely and want to meet me.

Zindagi main aur kya chahiye…?
😂😂😂😂

Attention Girls

®

⭕ 56 Girls Died Because Of Using Whisper, Stayfree,
Etc.

⭕ One Single Pad. For The Whole Day B’coz Of The Chemical Used in Ultra Napkins…

⭕ Which Converts
Liquid into Gel…it Causes Cancer in Bladder & Uterus.

⭕ So Plz Try To Use Cotton Made Pads And if You Are Using Ultra Pads, Plz Change That With in 5 Hours, Per Day, Atleast.

⭕ If The Time is Prolonged The Blood Becomes Green & The Fungus Formed Gets
inside The Uterus & Body.

⭕ Plz Don’t Feel Shy To Fwd This Msg To All Girls And Even Boys So That They Can Share With Their Wives N Friends, Whom They Care For.

⭕ -AIIMS

Kick Off “Breast Cancer”.

🔺Nurse Ur Baby.

🔺Wash Ur Bra Daily.

🔺Avoid Black Bra in Summer

🔺Do Not Wear A Bra While Sleeping.

🔺Do Not Wear An Under Wire Bra Very Often.

🔺Always Cover Ur Chest Completely By Ur Dupatta Or Scarf When U Are Under The Sun.

🔺Use A Deodrant Not An Anti Perspirant.

🔺This is A Public Service Msg From Tata Cancer Hospital.

⭕ Pass it 2 All The Ladies You Care For Without Hesitating.

⭕ Awareness is important

⭕ I Care For You.

⭕ Forward To Other Girls U Know..

⭕ Attention Girls,⭕
Dont Take Head Bath in First 3 Days Of Periods,

🔕its Dangerous🔕

Its Medicaly Proven That, 80%. Females Die During Delivery Due To Swelling in Uterus Walls Caused Becouse
Of Bathng in The Early Days Of Ur Menstrual Cycle.

⭕ Plzz Dont Hesitate To inform Other Femals Forwardd To Evry Girl On Ur List..!!…

⭕ I’ll Start With U :)….

Can u judge who is the better person out of these 3

Mr A – He had friendship with bad politicians, consults astrologers, two wives, chain smoker, drinks eight to 10 times a day.

Mr B – He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps till noon, used opium in college & drinks whiskey every evening.

Mr C – He is a decorated war hero,a vegetarian, doesn’t smoke , doesn’t drink and never cheated on his wife.

You would want Mr.C rite.

But..
Mr. A was Franklin Roosevelt!

Mr. B was Winston Churchill!!

Mr C Was ADOLF HITLER!!!

Strange but true..
Its risky to judge anyone by his habits !
Character is a complex phenomenon.

So every person in ur life is important ,don’t judge them ,accept them.
👌 Three beautiful thoughts

1. None can destroy iron, but its own rust can!
Likewise, none can destroy a person, but his own mindset can.

2. Ups and downs in life are very important to keep us going, because a straight line even in an E.C.G. means we are not alive.

3. The same Boiling Water that hardens the egg, Will Soften the Potato!
It depends upon Individual’s reaction To stressful circumstances!

Beautiful saying —
Mobile has taught us three things ….
Whatever makes you happy — save it…..
Whatever makes others happy — forward it…..
Whatever will make no one happy — Delete it….